Surgery

Dude. Surgery is like working on a truck. If it's broke, fix it.

Naturally.

13 yr old Nephew: My hands are just naturally easy to clean.
Jay: Dude. That's because you don't do anything.

What Really Made it Special

me: Why did you send me flowers?
Jay: Because you made my birthday so awesome!
me: Are you sure it wasn't because you got to make out with RC*?
Jay: Well, maybe that a little...

*names have been initialized to protect the not-so-innocent

Landing Right

I'm pretty certain I learned to crash from "The Dukes of Hazard."

Titles

Me: This beer sucks.
Jay: But it's the Silver Bullet. It says so right there.
Me: It doesn't make it suck any less.
Jay: But it's THE. SILVER. BULLET.

Jay on anatomy, physics and, flexibility

"How do you actually twist your body without your butt cheeks messing your legs up?"

Bought and Paid For

Culture? I've got culture. I've been to the fair.

Conversation With A 12 Year Old

12 yr old: I love Eminem and Dr Dre. Eminem is not his real name but I don't know what it is and I don't know why he changed it...blah, blah, blah, blah {for like 10 minutes}

Jay: DUDE! Why is all that important?

12 yr old: Because people my age have to know what to do to be able to make it big...

{Cue Jay's head exploding clean off of his body}

Observations

Me: Why do hikers STILL go hiking unprepared? Seems like everyday they're having to rescue someone from the GSM backwoods...

Jay: They go in thinking there's a Burger King nearby.

Safety First

"I'm going to drink a huge glass of wine and operate heavy power tools."