What Really Made it Special

me: Why did you send me flowers?
Jay: Because you made my birthday so awesome!
me: Are you sure it wasn't because you got to make out with RC*?
Jay: Well, maybe that a little...

*names have been initialized to protect the not-so-innocent

Landing Right

I'm pretty certain I learned to crash from "The Dukes of Hazard."

Titles

Me: This beer sucks.
Jay: But it's the Silver Bullet. It says so right there.
Me: It doesn't make it suck any less.
Jay: But it's THE. SILVER. BULLET.

Jay on anatomy, physics and, flexibility

"How do you actually twist your body without your butt cheeks messing your legs up?"

Bought and Paid For

Culture? I've got culture. I've been to the fair.

Conversation With A 12 Year Old

12 yr old: I love Eminem and Dr Dre. Eminem is not his real name but I don't know what it is and I don't know why he changed it...blah, blah, blah, blah {for like 10 minutes}

Jay: DUDE! Why is all that important?

12 yr old: Because people my age have to know what to do to be able to make it big...

{Cue Jay's head exploding clean off of his body}

Observations

Me: Why do hikers STILL go hiking unprepared? Seems like everyday they're having to rescue someone from the GSM backwoods...

Jay: They go in thinking there's a Burger King nearby.

Safety First

"I'm going to drink a huge glass of wine and operate heavy power tools."

Options

You can have any color you want from me as long as it's black.*


*Jay told me last night that was a Henry Ford quote...

If it Falls Down, You'll Know Why

So that hole in the wall, I jammed napkins in it and then covered it with putty...

Crossing the Border

My phone is Canadian. It doesn't understand English very well.

Gender Differences

Me: Why are they remaking Bambi and acting like it's such a great children's movie? His mother gets murdered and he grows up an orphan.

Jay: Bambi was a boy? That's a girl's name.

Heritage

Jay: I'm like a redneck Sicilian - you know, if there was such a thing.

Me: I'm pretty sure there is.

Growing Old Gracefully

Jay: Those guys are totally crotchety.
Me: That's how you're going to be when you get old.
Jay: No!
Matthew: Uh, dude, I think you're already there.

get it on already

So, Have you all christened the new house yet?

Hell no, Carla wont even take a dump up there yet!