Bought and Paid For

Culture? I've got culture. I've been to the fair.

Conversation With A 12 Year Old

12 yr old: I love Eminem and Dr Dre. Eminem is not his real name but I don't know what it is and I don't know why he changed it...blah, blah, blah, blah {for like 10 minutes}

Jay: DUDE! Why is all that important?

12 yr old: Because people my age have to know what to do to be able to make it big...

{Cue Jay's head exploding clean off of his body}

Observations

Me: Why do hikers STILL go hiking unprepared? Seems like everyday they're having to rescue someone from the GSM backwoods...

Jay: They go in thinking there's a Burger King nearby.

Safety First

"I'm going to drink a huge glass of wine and operate heavy power tools."

Options

You can have any color you want from me as long as it's black.*


*Jay told me last night that was a Henry Ford quote...

If it Falls Down, You'll Know Why

So that hole in the wall, I jammed napkins in it and then covered it with putty...

Crossing the Border

My phone is Canadian. It doesn't understand English very well.

Gender Differences

Me: Why are they remaking Bambi and acting like it's such a great children's movie? His mother gets murdered and he grows up an orphan.

Jay: Bambi was a boy? That's a girl's name.

Heritage

Jay: I'm like a redneck Sicilian - you know, if there was such a thing.

Me: I'm pretty sure there is.

Growing Old Gracefully

Jay: Those guys are totally crotchety.
Me: That's how you're going to be when you get old.
Jay: No!
Matthew: Uh, dude, I think you're already there.