Heritage

Jay: I'm like a redneck Sicilian - you know, if there was such a thing.

Me: I'm pretty sure there is.

Growing Old Gracefully

Jay: Those guys are totally crotchety.
Me: That's how you're going to be when you get old.
Jay: No!
Matthew: Uh, dude, I think you're already there.

get it on already

So, Have you all christened the new house yet?

Hell no, Carla wont even take a dump up there yet!

Portion Control

Me: Did you have a brownie?
Jay: No, I just had a bite. Go look at the pan.
Me: What's the difference between having a "brownie" and having a "bite of a brownie?" Is there a standard size?
Jay: A brownie is one-ninth of the pan.

Super Hero Fighting Power

You've got to have good steel so you can fight like a ninja!!

(grrr)

Comic error

"Uh, sorry dude, Superman's "S" is not yellow. Hell, I'm colorblind and I know Superman's "S" is red."

A Different Kind of Secret

How can Victoria's Secret determine whether or not you have financial ruin?

Vocabulary Lesson

Jay: Carla got a rotisserie chicken and made wheat crumble.
B: Um...wheat crumble?
Jay: Yeah, wheat crumble.
Carla: It was couscous.
Jay: I ain't callin it couscous!! It's cotton pickin wheat crumble!

Twenty minutes later after the subject was changed...

Jay: The problem with that stuff is, that if you aren't careful, you'll hork it into your brain.

Slightly Inappropriate

To Mary Beth:

"Wow MB, with the elevated boots on you are actually like a ride in the amusement park".

Red-Handed

Me: Did you eat all the donuts?
Jay: I did not eat any of them, I only ate two.
Me: Making no sense what-so-ever.
Jay: You have to go on the defensive around this joint or your ass will be put in a crate!